An open letter to the men of Boston

Cat Calling is a faux-paw.

Dear Men of Boston -
For the most part, I don’ t have a problem with you. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life we pass by each other on the streets, smile, nod our heads in acknowledgment and move on.

That isn’t the case for everyone. I’m lucky. This is my only interaction on the streets. For my female friends, this isn’t the case at all.

At least once a week, a female friend of mine takes to Facebook with a similar situation – being cat called, gawked and/or physically touched by random men on the streets.

Let me run down a list of things to never do when you see a woman walking down the street -

  1. Call her Baby, Sweetie or Doll.
  2. Talk about her body.
  3. Stare at her body.
  4. Call her body hot or phat or anything, actually.
  5. Touch her, grab her or put your arm around her.
  6. Whistle at her.
  7. Mention her clothing.
  8. Ask her where she’s going.
  9. Ask her her name.

It doesn’t matter what they’re wearing, how they’re smiling or how attractive you think they are. It doesn’t matter if you’re drunk or sober, just joking or being serious. There is no look, no expression, no eye contact, no mini-skirt from anyone that warrants you harassing them.

If you are so unlucky to be near me when you do this to another person, you can expect all 6’3 of my awkward self is going to come down on you like a ton of awkward, angry bricks. I may not be physically imposing, but you can bet I’m going to be in your face like a ridiculous and angry honey badger.

It’s time we start calling this behavior out. Let men know it’s not okay to demean and harrass women. Tell perpetrators it’s wrong and why it’s wrong.

And if you don’t think this is a problem in our city, I suggest asking your female friends, co-workers and family members if they’ve ever felt victimized while walking down city streets. The stories of street harassment are as disgusting as they are eye-opening.

If you want to know how you can help, I suggest visiting Hollaback!, an organization devoted to stopping street harassment. And when you’re done doing that, I suggest you saying something when you see and hear it on the street.

It’s time to be an active voice. I hope you join me.
Jason

 

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Posted in Boston, Personal

With inclusivity, it’s the little things

trans

Sometimes it’s the littlest gestures that mean the most.

I’m proud to work at one of the most LGBT-friendly colleges in the country. Because of this, colleagues frequently ask what we do to be so inclusive. It’s the little things.

Today, during an Orientation workshop, I was reminded of one of the little things we do so well. In meeting students at Orientation, we use the following dialogue:

“Hi, my name is Jason. I’m one of the Orientation advisors and I use he, him, his gender pronouns.”

We don’t do it once. We do it all of the time.

We don’t do it with just new students. We do it with all students.

This isn’t an introduction but a continued dialogue.

Let your students share their chosen name and prefered gender pronouns. Don’t make it a big deal. Just make it a normalized behavior.

Sure, it might feel funny to you to say something that might be obvious if you’re a cis-gendered individual… but for those who identify as trans, gender queer or non-gender normative, it gives them an opportunity to proclaim who they are in a safe and non-threatening way.

Besides, knowing someone’s prefered gender pronoun is far more helpful to know than what their favorite ice cream is or their favorite Disney movie or their spirit animal.

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Posted in Emerson College, LGBT, Student Affairs

Unravelling the Tank Top Convention

cat

Last night, I was lucky enough to spend time with friends and colleagues. We gathered together at a nearby restaurant and took our spot on the 2nd floor lounge. That’s where we first saw them.

It started with one guy, wearing shorts and a tank top. Not unusual on a hot day, but odd considering the venue. Further perplexing was his demeanor – he walked around the lounge as if he was an employee, but an emmployee who is clearly not adhering to dress code.

Tank Top Guy disappeared for a bit… repearing wearing a different tank top, continuing on his weird trek around the lounge. His friends would disappear and reappear, also having changed into different tank tops.

After a bit, Original Tank Top Guy disappeared and reappeared wearing what can be best described as a tank top, skinny shiny black pants, dress socks and sandals. It made no sense.

These guys walked around a restaurant, occassionally looked in a giant box full of tank tops, changed clothes, put on bedazzled high top sneakers and then all abruptly left. They left before anyone of us could find out what was happening. They left before we had an answer to our greatest question – “Are you a part of a Tank Top Convention?”

Is this important? No, not at all. But it does illustrate a point.

We all have Tank Top Conventions in our life. There are all things that happen that we don’t understand and we’ll never have answers to.

We can make up our own answers: they were back up dancers for a drag queen OR they were on vacation from the Netherlands and having a fashion show OR they were trying on outfits for a Lady Gaga concert OR they were practicing for their vacation to the Jersey Shore.

We live in a world where we expect answers. Sometimes we don’t get them. We’ll never get them. We’ll never know why certain things happen (ie. the entire run of the show Lost).

I’ll never know why dude was wearing a tank top, dress socks and sandals… but I have to be okay with that.

It’s time to learn it’s okay to have unanswered questions. 

 

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Posted in Boston, Humor

Finding the finish line

lolcat_45_running

I wouldn’t say I’ve been a runner my entire life, but for a period of time, it was an incredibly important piece of my life. But things change, and priorities change.

Upon moving to Boston in January 2011, I quickly found myself in a new situation. Over the next few months, my priorities evolved and suddenly my personal and professional life took front seat, leading myself away from any focus on running.

I had lost the starting line, with even less hope of finding the finishing line.

Two months ago, I had a punch to the gut the night before the Boston Marathon as my partner of three years decided his life had a different path, a different finishing line.

I was lost, deflated. I couldn’t make it to the course, much less line up. I started reaching out to friends, discovering a lot of us had this in common. The stigma of a long-term relationship ending is a shameful one, indeed. It leaves lasting blisters on our feet, runner’s fatigue in our hearts. It’s another piece of the mental health puzzle we don’t talk about, but impacts a lot of us.

Over the last few weeks, I started putting my running shoes back on – getting back to who I knew I could be again.

Friday, I received an email inviting me to race, literally. Having not run in over three years, I foolishly agreed. Having not trained, I foolishly assumed I could run again.

And yesterday, I ran. At the starting line with one of my best friends next to me, I discovered something – sometimes we trip and fall. Sometimes that fall hurts but we have the capacity to stand back up and run. So, I ran 3.5 miles. And instead of falling to the ground in defeat, I found the finish line.

In that moment I cross, I realized this wasn’t the finish line, but rather the starting line for what comes next.  And with that, I’m back in the race. Time to find the next finish line to cross.

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Posted in Personal

Stumbling through veganism

invisible-dining-chair

Well, that’s that.
A week of veganism is in the books and I survived.

Me, the king of bacon and steak frites, lover of ice cream and red dye #40 survived a week of being vegan.

It wasn’t always easy. To prove a point, I ate most of my meals in dining facilities of the college I work at (Emerson College, for those of you who haven’t picked up on that yet). There were good days and bad.

Day #1 on my own was good. I was in control.

Day #2 in the main dining hall was good. Options were limited, but I was okay.

But then, there was Day #3 where we tried to eat in an auxiliary dining unit (“The Max”). Upon arrival for breakfast, it was clear that this would be a difficult day. We had the option of a banana or an apple. Nothing was vegan. Nothing in the grab and go was vegan. There was chance for cross contamination at nearly every station. There were no options for me to eat here.

If I lived in this building and had to eat here, I would be out of my mind angry. I would be so frustrated. And truthfully, I stayed as true to the experiment as I could… so I went pretty hungry on Wednesday/Day #3.

That’s when it happened. I was hungry. I was irritable. I was difficult. I found myself unable to articulate by the end of the night.

If a student is hungry, how can you expect them to learn? How can you expect them to be successful in a high stress environment?

Yes, you’ll say that my body was adjusting to veganism… but how many students decide to take up a difficult diet with little research. Anything I knew I found by googling or asking friends. There was no literature to assist a student looking to maintain a diet like this.

Luckily, Day #4 was back in the dining hall. I knew I would be okay (despite having basically the same meals that I had two days prior), but I still wasn’t getting the caloric intake my body required. I still wasn’t getting the nutrition I needed. It impacted my stomach, my wellness, my temperament and other areas.

But, I finished out with style on my own on Day #5 and have been slowly integrating dairy and meat into my diet. I skipped meat totally on Saturday and had some on Sunday.

It’s a life choice I can’t sustain, but it’s something I can partially integrate. I could easily maintain a Meatless Monday, or a Vegan Tuesday. My cravings for candy is substantially less.

 

I did learn a lot. Here are some takeaways -

Today’s college students don’t advocate for their own dietary needs. When they don’t see options for their diets, do they introduce themselves to a dining manager and see about a fix? For the most part, no. They just complain to administration or a family member. If a dining manager knew, they could assist in a meaningful way. All of the dining managers I met would love to interact with students in this way.

Today’s college students don’t have the variety needed for sustainable dietary restriction. If they’re going to be successful at a vegan lifestyle, it isn’t fair to force them to have the same rice/noodle bowl for lunch and dinner every day.

Cross contamination is and will always be a problem. Students aren’t thoughtful. They’ll stick a butter knife in a container of peanut butter, tainting it with dairy and making it non-vegan. They’re not being malicious, they’re just being thoughtless.

When you’re in a small space (like Emerson), its hard to have separate grills/fry stations, which creates cross-contamination. Some of the auxiliary units don’t have the spatial capacity to have a vegan or kosher station. They’ll never have the capacity.

Chances are the dining administration at your college would be willing to listen to your feedback and concern… just like the team at Emerson Dining. They were wonderful dining companions last week and took a great interest in this project. I’m so happy to see them engaging and can’t wait to see what they do with it. It will certainly better our entire community.

 

That said, I need a milkshake. And a maple bacon donut.

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Posted in Boston, Emerson College, Student Affairs

When veganism goes well

As we embarked on the dining challenge, I knew I’d have highs and lows while eating as a vegan on campus. There would be easy moments, frustrating moments, bewildering moments and things that had never occurred to me before. Yesterday was mostly good.

As Team Vegan (there are three of us) wandered into the dining hall for breakfast, I wondered if it would be awkward to ask questions. Putting myself into the shoes of a new student, I wondered if I would be confident enough to ask about vegan options. Luckily, foods were clearly labeled for both ingredients and allergy warnings. There was really no need to ask questions because everything was well labeled and easy to find.

Unluckily, there weren’t a lot of options for breakfast. Seeing the breakfast treats made me the saddest.

Breakfast treats I can’t eat this week

I WANT CRANBERRY ORANGE MINI SCONES! They looked so tasty, but alas… totally not vegan.

There was only one vegan cereal available, oatmeal (with no butter or sugar) and fruit. We were lucky to have soy milk, both in vanilla and chocolate flavors.

Watching Team Vegetarian chow down on custom made omelettes and Team Gluten-Free eat plates of bacon, we felt a little slighted in our offerings. There just weren’t a lot of options, but at least we had some options. There was something.

Luckily, things turned around at lunch. I was quite pleased to see a separate vegan station at the front of the dining hall featuring cooked to order rice noodle bowls. Tons of fresh veggies (most of which are locally sourced), tasty sauces and tofu. For someone who doesn’t love veggies, I was very happy.  I was especially happy to see this as a separate station, which limits the possibility of cross contamination, which is a huge concern for many of our students.

There were also several vegan items throughout the dining hall, from pasta with basil marinara to vegan chicken nuggets. You weren’t forced to only eat salads which is something I anticipated having to do.

Also, I was thrilled to see a vegan banana bread. I love dessert and I was relieved not to be left out.

The other thing that I loved… there was a smoothie station. You put fruit, ice and juice into a blender, hop onto a stationary bike and pedal away. The faster you pedal, the faster the blender goes! We got some good exercise and made some healthy vegan snacks.

Last night, I met a friend for the infamous TACO TUESDAY and managed to do quite well in my vegan efforts. I had plantain tacos with a banana ketchup sauce. Good stuff, indeed.

It isn’t as hard as I anticipated, but in no way is this a walk in the park.  My only problem… apparently my body is fighting this. My stomach is weird. It grumbles and makes noises. It’s very odd and slightly uncomfortable but we are moving forward! Excited to share the results of today’s efforts soon.

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Posted in Emerson College, Student Affairs

Why I’m vegan this week…

vegancat

Food privilege. It’s a thing.
As a meat-loving carnivore, I knew I would never go hungry eating in the cafeteria where I went to college. It never crossed my mind that having diverse selection of foods to choose from was a privilege.

As someone with no religious leanings, I never had a dietary restriction due to my religion. It never applied to me.

A few weeks ago, a parent of a student shared an article that changed the way I thought about food.

Cornell Dining team follows special diets for next five days

Students, staff, faculty and administrators followed the diet many young people live by… vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, dairy-free. Eating on campus is easy if you have no restrictions. But the minute you have to think about what you’re consuming, things become more difficult. I never put myself in these students dietary shoes. I never thought about their day to day eating lives.

Inspired by this article, we’ve put together teams to eat the diets many of our students live by and we’ll be eating those diets exclusively in our campus dining facilities. For me, I’m Team Vegan. And truth be told,  I’ve been a bit nervous, wondering about the following:
Will I go hungry as a vegan?
Will I be frustrated by selection?
Will I get enough protein?
Will dining staff be knowledgeable about what is vegan?
Are things properly labeled?

I’ll have a few more questions in the preceding days… never mind what my body is going to do with a significant diet change.

If I was hungry, could I focus on class with a rumbling stomach? How can a student be successful if one of their basic needs isn’t being met? (Again that Maslow guy is so FREAKING smart)

I’m proud of our dining operations for being willing to support this challenge. Dining staff have already been joining us for our meals, taking notes and responding positively to experiences and feedback.

In the upcoming days, I’ll be sharing specific stories and experiences of my life as a vegan. I hope you’ll join me!

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Posted in Emerson College, Student Affairs
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